COMM 291
Children's Booklet - MRI's

Rejected Rhyme Department

 [I also wrote these rhymes during the course of the MRI rhyme project, but these were just for the heck of it. I didn't actually try to use them; I just decided to take the idea and run with it.]
 

I was supposed to get an MRI, ‘cause I got hit in the head,
The doctor screwed up and gave me a CAT scan instead!
My head’s still screwy, my memory’s on the blink,
And because nobody fixed it, I’ve lost my ability to rhyme.
 

I don’t really understand all this newfangled technology!
They’ve got CAT scans, MRIs and electroencephalography.
I think the doc’s a quack, he’s strange and his work is shabby,
I may not know much, but I don’t think a CAT scan is supposed to involve a tabby!
 

I almost got killed today, I almost broke my skull,
I’m rather clumsy, almost slipped, you might say I’m dull.
The doctor used an MRI to help me; I was hooked up to machines,
So thank God for magnetic resonance imaging, but I still don’t know what the hell it means!
 

Being in the hospital I didn’t like, I almost went ballistic.
My physician was the worst of all, I think he was sadistic.
Thanks to my therapist, most of those memories I’ve repressed,
Except when I think about that doctor; he even makes my tongue depressed!

MRI is the lazy shorthand way of saying “magnetic resonance imaging.”
Now lie down, shut up and get inside that big machine!
Would you like to stay awake or get some anesthetic,
While doctors play with toys electromagnetic?
 

Some don’t like the idea of an MRI, it makes them feel unsettled
There’s nothing to worry about—unless you have something metal!
Amish people might also be concerned, they may feel some dissonance;
The machine runs on electricity to conduct magnetic resonance.
 

Once the person’s set to go, the large machine does things magnetic
Aligning atoms and their nuclei into patterns almost poetic.
Those atoms really move and jump, they’re really noticeably aligned

They’re everywhere from bones to mind, once intertwined, now
        almost organizationally inclined!
Yes, there’s much to be said about the change in the nuclei,
But I’m not going to add anything else, just “Thank the MRI!”
 

The patient sits in the cylinder, does something to pass the time
He sits in there and hopefully makes up better rhymes!
The patient’s next subjected to radio waves, they cause the nuclei to flip,
But he doesn’t know, he’s dreaming of cruising on a ship.
 

Still though, one has to wonder: if there were metal near the guy while
        he experienced REM…
Would the metal plus those radio waves pick up 101.1 FM?
Well, who knows, but while all this is going on, the technicians are paying attention…
To the new pictures being drawn in two and three dimensions.
 

Who knows what the MRI’s found by now? Did someone eat raw egg yolk? An illness that was provoked? Lung damage caused by smoke? Something broke, was there a stroke? Is there rumor of a tumor? Is the guy going to croak? Poor old bloke!
 

What else could be found? Cocaine, maryjane? Damage to a vein? Quiver in the liver? Gradually going insane? For a piece of glass near the throat, let us check; that would be a real “pane” in the neck! Gall stone, broken bone, hipbone injury while in Sierra Leone, cause unknown? Pancreatic cancer, injured former square dancer? Damage to the kidney caused by a guy named Sidney? Multiple sclerosis, coronary thrombosis, incurable halitosis? Did it ascertain damage to the brain? Permanently damaged esophagus? Stand by with the sarcophagus! MRI predicts RIP for a CEO!
 

The MRI can draw a map anatomical, of problems cerebral to gastronomical, but no matter what you get, the price is so astronomical it’s comical!
 

So what do you want? Magnetic resonance imaging, electroencephalography, angiography, computed axial tomography, single-photon emission computed tomography, positron emission tomography or just something you can understand like “technology”?